


s a u d a d e

by avengerswitch (etprincipalis)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Minor Angst, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-11-03 23:27:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10977600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etprincipalis/pseuds/avengerswitch
Summary: Inspired by the song Drive by Halsey."[...] All we do is driveAll we do is think about the feelings that we hideAll we do is sit in silence waiting for a signSick and full of pride [...] ".





	s a u d a d e

**Author's Note:**

> If you wanna listen to the song whislt you read here's the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oI-BsWbIg4

_**Saudade** is a portuguese word for the feeling of intense longing for a person or place you love _

 

* * *

You could feel his soft breathing close to your ear, him hugging your waist from behind, holding you close to his chest, his heartbeat steady against your back, his scent clouding your senses.

The pair of you were leaning against your car watching the sunset in Los Angeles, a tradition you'd complete every time it was his last day in town with you, before he flew back all the way across the country, back to New York, miles away from you.

Hot, peaceful, quiet. No wind blowing. For a moment you thought it was like you and him were the only people in the planet, privilegedto get this beautiful view.

You turn around and wrap your arms around his neck, he looks down at you through his eyelashes and presses his soft lips against yours, a smirk already playing in the corners of his mouth.

His dark messy hair, sharp jay, blue eyes, perfectly sculpted face. You couldn't think of a better word to describe Sebastian's features other than a fucking masterpiece.

He was  yours

And you were his

A strange feeling of pride took over you.

His unshaven stubble rubbing on your skin. You open your mouth and he deepens the kiss, your hands move up and tangle on his hair. 

The calm of the moment certainty didn't reflect the disturbances you two had on your relationship in the past two months; a combination of unsaid feelings and the distance finally getting the best of you had torn and almost broke you apart.

 

[...]

You were lying  in bed together, your head resting against his naked torso.

"I can't believe you are already going back...it feels like you've only been here about a day or so."

He chuckles.

"Well, I've been here for the past week."

"I don't want you to go." You whine.

"I... - he seems to be debating with himself whether if he would continue the phrase or not - Well, maybe instead of me just going, you could come live in New York with me."

"Yeah, right." - you reply sarcastically.

"No, I mean it." - he moved to a position on which he could look into your eyes. "I'm tired of the distance; I'm tired of missing you."

"But I... I just moved to LA, I can't bail on everything and move across the country." - You stated, not believing he was actually being serious about this.

"Why not?"

"You don't even realize what you're asking me to do! - You said, raising your voice - "Give up my hole life here?"

"And I'm not part of your life? We've been at this for two years now, traveling back and forth, struggling to find time for each other..."

"I can't Seb... - your voice cracking - It's too much."

He let out a breath, his hands moved to his waist.

"You were the one who said the other night that California doesn't feel like home to you. If this is too much, then what are we even doing? Where is is - he gestures between you and him - going?"

Standing there on that exact moment you felt your heart sank to the bottom of your stomach.

Later that morning, right before he left, you came to the agreement of taking a break from your relationship, a break from each other in order to think about your prospects for the future.

There was an awkward silence when you dropped him off at the airport. He said goodbye to you without any kisses, just a plain "thank you" and "bye".

You were left wanting so much more, yearning to say how you'd miss him, how much he meant to you, wanting to kiss him so hard that he'd never doubt of your feelings towards him ever again.

But you couldn't.

He didn't give you that chance.

 

[...]

 

Two weeks went by and you couldn't remember ever feeling this miserable because of a relationship. Since that day at the airport, you took the habit of going on drives around the city alone, either being extremely silent as you drove through the streets or screaming songs inside your car, there was no in between. Could you choose between feeling too much or feeling completely empty?

Often you found hidden places where there were no curious eyes observing your movements. That's when you'd stop the car, sit still and contemplate the sorrow of Sebastian's absence, debating with yourself on whether you should call him or not, and even then: what the fuck would you say?

Figuring out your choices for the future was a lot harder than you thought it would.

 

[...]

 

Thankfully he did it for you. Well...not really, what happened was that hearing his voice on the phone for the first time after a little over a month cleared your head like nothing else.

"Babe, it's okay if you don't wanna come here, I was out of my mind telling you to give up everything you have over there in LA. I could... If you still even wanna be with me, that is..."

You could tell by the tone on his voice that he was nervous and you'd be lying if you said his phone call didn't have you shaking as well.

"I can't...I-i need you Seb. - You interrupt him -I don't wanna be away from you. I don't want a break from us."

"Me too, dragă. So, what do you say about me moving to LA then?"

You were taken aback by his proposal and even more at the quick response you heard yourself saying.

"No! You love it there! Your friends, your family, everything but me is in New York, honey. I can't ask you to to give up all of that."

"So what do we do?" - He asked.

"I'm moving to New York, Sebastian."

"Are you sure?" - Anxiety filled his voice.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm sure." - Your voice sounded more confident than you felt.

 

[...]

 

As his lips went further down your neck and right before you lost the trail of your thoughts, distracted by he things he could do to you, by the things he could do with you.

Together. 

You were never more sure that any place would only feel like home if he was there with you.

**Author's Note:**

> This one-shot was majorly inspired by the vibes given from the amazing song "Drive" performed by Halsey on her album Badlands + the other day i saw a post on tumblr talking about how the male vocals in the end of the song sound SO MUCH like Seb.  
> Here's the link if you wanna check it: http://sexyseabass.co.vu/post/148949463889/etherealbarnes-etherealbarnes-the-backup  
> I don't know if it was noticeable but i was experimenting with my way of writing, because being a songfic, i wanted to convey more of the aesthetic of how it feels for me to be listening to that specif melody. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the read and I'd love if you wanted to share your thoughts on the comments.  
> xx  
> Iz


End file.
